Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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