So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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