I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
