i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
