Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
