you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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