My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
