i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
