so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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