I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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