If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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