My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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