im about as happy as oj after his trial
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
