I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
