nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
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should my penis look like a turkey
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
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Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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