it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
