I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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