i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
