and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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