Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
