i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
