i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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