Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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