so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Randomize
