You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
