Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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