He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
