so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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