I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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