Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
