3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My liver is preforming stress tests.