remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
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so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
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Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning