i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
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The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it