It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
