he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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