That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.