apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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