I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
