not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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