Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
