So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
