If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
