I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
