Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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