his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
