Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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