508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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