I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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