Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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