I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
