are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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