Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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