Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
