just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
