Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize