I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
