I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
