you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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