My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
