nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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