yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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