We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
