i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize