when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
