I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
