and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
