i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
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