Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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