people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
