I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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