Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
