3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
