dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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