Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
