Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
