can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
