we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize