he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
