These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
