I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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